elcome to "Relax" pageelcome to "Relax" page|
***************** The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said... "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, "I do...Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you'd like to know that your horse is about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure, Kemosabe" and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks... "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, "I do, what's wrong with him this time?" The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,.... Nothin', but did you know you left your injun running? ***************** "I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home unexpect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat." ***************** A Native American boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say, Mom, why is my big brother named Mighty Storm?" "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm," she replied. "Why is my sister's name Cornflower?" he asked. Well, your father and I were in a corn field when we made her," the mother replied. "And why is my other sister named Moonchild?" he asked. "We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," she replied. "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?" ***************** What heaven's really like:A guy dies and goes to heaven.St. Peter issues him a white robe, a harp, and his very own cloud to float around on. The guy thinks this is great. One day he sees another cloud float by. The guy on that cloud has a gorgeous, naked woman and a keg of beer with him. The guy finds St. Peter and complains to him. "How come this guy gets a gorgeous babe and keg of beer, when all I got is this white robe and a lousy harp? St. Peter says, "I know just who you're talking about. He's being punished." The guy can't believe what he's hearing. "How can that be?" He asks. "Well," says St. Peter, "The keg has a hole in it, and the girl doesn't." ***************** Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they mustn't get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door. "Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want these blinds?" ***************** Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned. ***************** |
| Design by DNA Systems© |