.December 2011
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
.
Senior moments
Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing
his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked
up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house,
did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd
closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed
his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his
assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask,
'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an
old mini van with two flat tires..
An elderly gentleman....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted
for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor
and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be
really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
I've changed my will three times!'
Hospital regulations
require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse,
I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting
on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't
need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me
wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom
changing out of her hospital gown.'
A little old man
shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
.
A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa
one evening just after arriving home from work.
As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly
answered it
and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"
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A doctor of psychology was doing his morning rounds
when he entered a patient's room.
He found his first patient sitting on the floor,
pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Another patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the patient on the floor what he was doing.
The patient replied, "Can't you see!
I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor then inquired as to why the other guy
was hanging from the ceiling.
The guy on the floor says, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little
crazy.
He thinks he's a lightbulb Doc."
The doctor looks up and notices the guys face is going all red.
The doctor asks the wood cutter...
"If he's your friend, don't you think you should
get him down from there before he hurts himself?"
And the patient replies - "What? And work in the dark!"
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