Winter 2011-2012

  XMAS & XANUKAH DISTINCTIONS FINALLY EXPLAINED
   1. Christmas is one day, same day every year: December 25. 
Jews also  love December 25th. It's another paid day off work. 
We go to movies and out  for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. 
Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, 
whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never
  know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to
  consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. 
   *  FYI, this year Hanukkah starts the day after Thanksgiving....

   2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the
  same theme as most Jewish holidays. 
They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.

   3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos
  ...Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or the
  collected  works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.

   4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to
  spell Chanukah, Chanuka, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah.

   5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends.
  Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden.
  No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.

   6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for
  Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good
  about not contributing to the energy crisis.

    7. Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come O Ye
  Faithful....Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a
  party and dancing the horah. Of course, we are secretly pleased that
  many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren.
 
   8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of
  cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods.
   A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes, and onions. The
  home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

   9. Women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Women burn their eyes and
  cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkas on Chanukah. Another
  reminder of our suffering through the ages.

   10. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah, 
even though it is a minor holiday. 
It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday 
such as Yom Kippur? 
Forget about celebrating. Think observing. 
Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27
  hours, beat your chest, confess your sins, 
a guaranteed good time for you and your family?

The Silver Lining: Spider Webs!
An unexpected side-effect of the flooding in parts of Pakistan has been that millions of spiders climbed up into the trees to escape the rising flood waters. Because of the scale of the flooding and the fact that the water has taken so long to recede, many trees have become cocooned in spiders webs. People in this part of Sindh have never seen this phenomenon...not before.
They also report that there are now far fewer mosquitoes than they would expect, given the amount of stagnant, standing water that is around. It is thought that the mosquitoes are getting caught in the spiders web, thus, reducing the risk of malaria, which would be one blessing for the people of Sindh, facing so many other hardships after the floods.

An amazing true story about how the kindness one does
for another can come back to you.

Who was the Mystery Soldier who left the hospital so quickly?

Yoni, an Israeli Defense Force soldier stationed in Hebron, was shot by an
Arab terrorist. It happened very early in the morning, and no one else was
awake to hear it. Yoni passed out and was bleeding steadily, his life was
heading toward a silent end.

But another soldier stationed nearby heard the shot and went to investigate.
He found a fellow Israeli soldier bleeding to death. He tried the best he
could to stop the bleeding and called for help. Waiting for help to arrive,
he kept applying pressure to the wound- literally holding Yoni's life in his hands.

Yoni was taken to a hospital in Be’er Sheva where he underwent surgery.
Yoni's parents were notified and they rushed to the hospital. Imagine the
fear of the parents who were only told "your son has been injured and is in
the hospital." When they arrived the doctor told them that Yoni was shot but
will be alright. Had it not been for the immediate actions of the other
soldier, their son Yoni would have bled to death. It was a miracle that the
other soldier heard what no one else heard, and managed to locate Yoni as
quickly as he did. The parents wanted to thank that soldier, but he had just
left the hospital after hearing that the soldier he helped would survive.

While recuperating at home, Yoni and his parents called the army to find out
the name of the other soldier so they could thank him personally.
Unfortunately, that soldier's name was not recorded and although they tried
to ask around they simply couldn’t track down who that other soldier was.

Yoni's mother knew that the important thing of course is that Yoni is well,
yet she couldn’t help feeling that as long as she couldn’t meet and thank
the solider who bravely saved her son’s life- the entire frightening episode
is still not fully over. Not being able to thank the soldier continued to
give her an empty feeling… but then she had an idea.

The couple owned a grocery store in Kiryat Malachi (a town near Ashkelon),
so they decided to put up a sign in the store, describing what happened,
figuring that Israel is a small country and eventually they might found out
who the mystery soldier was.

Months passed with no response. Finally, one morning about a year later, a
woman customer noticed the sign hanging by the door of the store. She
recalled how happy her son Yair was when he came home one Friday night and
told them how he heard a shot and was able to save another soldier’s life in
Hebron. She went back and told the owner of the store. The story matched.
The two women now decided to try to reach their sons on cell phones and see
if they could meet at the store. Fortunately it turned out that both the
young men and even the fathers were able to all meet that afternoon at the store.

The families soon gathered for an emotional "rendezvous". The soldiers
recounted army experiences and finally after all this time Yoni’s mother
could stand up and thank Yair for saving her son’s life or as she put it,
“You saved my world”. She looked forward to feeling “completion” after all
this time by thanking the soldier, but little did she know that the story
was hardly complete.

After the tearful thank you, Yair’s mother quietly pulled her aside and
asked to speak with her outside. The two women went out alone. And she asked
Yoni’s mother: “Look at me- you don’t remember me?” “No, I’m sorry did we
meet before? she responded. "Yes. You see there is a particular reason I
came into your store today… I used to live here and this time I was just
passing by but I wanted to give you my business, even though I was only
buying a few things.”

“What are you talking about? Yoni’s mother asked. “Twenty years ago I used
to live around here and came all the time to buy milk and bread... One day
you noticed that I looked really down and you were so nice and asked me why
I was so down and I confided in you. I told you that I was going through a
very difficult time and on top of that I was pregnant and planning on having
an abortion. As soon as I said “abortion” you called your husband over and
the two of you didn’t seem to care about your own store but sat down and
patiently listened to me and I remember what you said.

“You told me that it is true that I was going through a hard time but
sometimes the good things in life come through difficulty, and the best
things come through the biggest difficulties. You spoke of the joy of being
a mother and that the most beautiful word to hear in the Hebrew language is
“Ima” (mother) when spoken by one’s child.. you both spoke and spoke until I
was convinced that I actually should have this baby- so you see G-d paid you back!”

What do you mean? asked Yoni’s mother. I had a boy twenty years ago that you
saved by telling me to think twice before doing the abortion. With happy
tears she declared, "My beloved Yair wouldn’t have been alive if not for
you. He was the one you were looking for. He was the one who grew up to save
your son, Yoni’s life!"


 
 THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG'S LIST (USA)

 What am I doing wrong?

 Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful
 (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy.
 I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at
 least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
 that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think
 I'm overreaching at all.

 Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
 you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get
 me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
 to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as
 I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
 get to her level?

 Here are my questions specifically:

 - Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
 restaurants, gyms

 -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my
 feelings

 -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

 - Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
 side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have
 nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead
 gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story
 there?

 - Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
 banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
 hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

 - How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
 MARRIAGE ONLY

 Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest
 way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front
 about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't
 able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
 nice home and hearth.


 THE ANSWER
 Dear Pers-431649184:
 I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
 about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
 Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
 bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I
 see it.
 Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
 crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
 suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
 my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my
 money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely
 that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't
 be getting any more beautiful!
 So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
 asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
 accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty
 hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
 earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
 So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
 and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense
 to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case
 you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
 to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's
 as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
 Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
 I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"
 as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
 believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
 hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
 By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
 we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
 With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way.
 Classic "pump and dump."
 I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
 lease, let me know.